5 Real Stories of Women Dealing with Covert Narcissistic Husbands That Prove You Can Do It Too
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By PAGE Editor
Covert narcissism doesn't look like general narcissism. Covert narcissists feel entitled and are constant "victims," expecting others to pity, never criticize, and constantly praise them. Their behavior includes a lot of gaslighting, passive aggression, sabotage, and false empathy.
The image of the "poor-me" covert narcissist husband can be built down to perfect details. To the point that women married to a covert narcissist spend years questioning their sanity, blaming themselves for the distance, and feeling lonely.
That's why representation matters. It's not your fault that you potentially spent years with a covert narcissist. Many women did. But the stories of how they dealt with covert narcissist husbands show that change is always possible, and there is a future for you.
How to Deal with a Covert Narcissist Husband: 5 Personal Experiences
There is no single "right" way to deal with a covert narcissistic husband. Some women leave. Some stay longer than they wanted to. Some try boundaries, therapy, or emotional detachment before they're ready to go.
If you recognize yourself in the experiences of these women, you're not weak, dramatic, or imagining things. You're responding to a very real pattern of emotional harm.
1. "I Chose to Get Out"
"I was married to a covert narcissist for 26 years before we divorced. This is what my counselor told me at the time:
'You have two choices. You either get out, or you figure out a way to live a life, married to someone who will never be a supportive spouse.' That sentence changed everything for me."
The woman who shared this story chose to get out, which wasn’t an easy decision. Healing from 20+ years with a husband with covert narcissist traits took her long: 8 years, to be precise. That's when she started dating again.
Leaving the marriage is not an option for everyone. But if your covert narcissistic husband constantly manipulates and humiliates you, think about your safety. It doesn't matter how long you were together if you felt bad most of the time.
Here's how the woman concluded her story: "Do I have regrets? Yes. Leaving isn't one of them."
2. “I Learned to Set Boundaries”
“He [covert narcissist husband] discarded me after 28 years of marriage, like I was nothing. By the time I did learn to set boundaries, he disapproved of me even more. Suddenly, I was ‘cold,’ ‘selfish,’ and ‘difficult.’"
Boundaries are the most effective way to deal with a covert narcissist husband and protect your emotional well-being against any abuser. And they know it. That's why they react offended by them, like a husband of this woman.
If you're not sure whether your husband is a covert narcissist, set a boundary. For example, you won't talk to him until he stops assuming your intent and lets you explain yourself. If he reacts offended, humiliated, sarcastic, angry, here's your answer. Boundaries expose covert narcissists.
"I wish I’d gotten out sooner. I truly do. But here’s what I know now: I sleep better at night knowing he can’t manipulate me the way he used to."
3. “Be Strategic”
“The best thing I ever did was get my ex out of my house. Be strategic. Plot your escape. Do everything you can to protect your kids. Then get away from him.”
Separation usually costs a woman a lot in terms of her financial freedom. That's why, if divorce/leaving is something you consider, be prepared like the woman in this story. Here is some advice:
Talk to your husband (only if it's safe).
Start collecting money as a safe fund.
Ask for help with accommodation, divorce, childcare, and finances from your relatives or friends.
Of course, the best way would be to end relationships on the best possible terms. But if safety is undermined, it's your right to leave unannounced.
4. “I Started Therapy”
“I started therapy for coping skills, to learn to regulate my anger because I was barely holding myself together, thought ‘everything’ was my fault. [...] If you’re not in therapy, please get yourself and the kids into it quickly.”
The woman who shared this story described therapy as an eye-opening experience. It was the first time she realized she wasn't the problem for running the whole household.
Therapy can also be a great way to deal with the covert narcissistic traits of your husband through couples therapy. If you truly love each other and your partner is open to change, this might be the right solution for you.
5. “Learn and Practice the Grey Rock Method”
“No more explaining. Do you know what “grey rocking” is?? Look it up and practice it with him immediately. You’re JUST a supply for him. You need to start starving him of your attention.”
What the heroine of this story described as "You're JUST a supply for him" is a real thing. The more energy and effort a partner of a covert narcissist puts into it, the more controlling and manipulative they become.
The Grey Rock method the woman of the story uses is a communication technique that is not a solution to abuse but a way to avoid escalation. Here's how to practice it:
Give short, yes-no, one-word answers.
Try to limit contact with an abuser.
Ignore provocations and intentional invitations to fight.
Don't share personal information anymore.
Stop showing emotions or vulnerability.
Although it may sound like a manipulative technique of silent treatment, Grey Rock doesn't have ill intent. It's aimed at making you boring for covert narcissists to stop feeding off of you.
Final Thoughts
These stories show that the confusion, exhaustion, and self-blame you deemed as personal failures are common experiences. They are so common because they are predictable outcomes of emotional manipulation.
No matter which path you choose: leaving, setting boundaries, seeking therapy, or family therapy, remember: you deserve safety and respect. Healing doesn’t happen all at once, and it rarely looks perfect. But the inspiring stories of these women show that life after dealing with a covert narcissist husband is possible.
References for the stories:
Reddit thread /NarcissisticSpouses. Married to a covert narcissist… I need some positive feedback and advise that does not include separation. Comment by user @just_an_old_lady. Accessed January 2026.
Reddit thread /NarcissisticSpouses. Married to a covert narcissist… I need some positive feedback and advise that does not include separation. Comment by user @Successful_Ad_9028. Accessed January 2026.
Reddit thread /NarcissisticSpouses. Is my husband a covert narcissist? I’m confused and need insight. Comment by user @Pristine-Scar-9846. Accessed January 2026.
Reddit thread /NarcissisticSpouses. Is my husband a covert narcissist? I’m confused and need insight. Comment by user @PinkienDBrayn. Accessed January 2026.
Reddit thread /NarcissisticSpouses. Married to Covert Narcissist. Comment by user @PrettySweet_12. Accessed January 2026.
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